What a Wretched Man?

I like my life right now. It is different. In some ways emptier. In many ways more full. Remember when I was talking about the pruning that God was taking me through and how He was trimming off the excess stuff. That process is not complete. Haha. What a laugh! That process won't be complete until I see Him face to face. But, you know, that is a comforting thought to me; that followers of Christ don't have to be perfect on the first try.
I used to think , and sometimes still do, that maybe I'm not made of the right cloth to be a true follower of Christ. I screw up so much. And usually, when I think I have it together, I don't. I used to get a little worried about myself. I would look at the descriptions of followers of Christ: selfless, compassionate, willing to sacrifice all for the cross. And then I would look at my own life and see the following: selfish, judgmental, not willing to give up simple, petty things. Of course this discrepancy caused me some discomfort. But, then I came across this passage in Romans and it totally helped me!
Romans 7 has this monologue from Paul. I can just see the guy with his pen, or feather quill (what did they use?), scribbling madly in frustration. Paul goes on this rant talking about how what he wants to do he doesn't do, but what he really doesn't want to do, THAT'S what he does. It's all a little depressing. But, I totally relate. And that gave me so much comfort. If this apostle who claimed to be a lover of Christ could admit those things, maybe I'm not a lost cause.
The next line that Paul says gives me the most comfort of all. Paul says, "What a wretched man I am! Who will save me from this body of ?" And then comes the cou de gras: "Thanks be to Jesus Christ." This Christian thing is not for the perfect, not for the people who are able to be "pruned" in one sitting. It is for the lost causes, the people that have a hard time being perfect and doing what they're supposed to. It's a process, and it's only through HIM that we get anywhere.
I know there are still so many areas of my life that need to be pruned, but I'm so thankful for what Christ is doing in me. For example, a few short weeks ago I was addicted to a few things, and He pulled the plug. These were a few things I'd been hanging onto for awhile! And, He changed me. Also, I used to be much quicker to judge and get offended. But, I keep hearing Him say, "Love bears all things." The older I get, the more I see that relationships should not easily be let go.
Well, I'm going on a road trip Monday to Colorado to visit family and looking forward to that! Should bring a plethora of new insights to share. Goodnight.

Starry Nights and Strawberry Nights

The cardigan is warm on my shoulders
It guards against the chilly edge of the summer night
My eyes are used to the dark now
and I can make out the faces of my dad and brother

My hair is falling over my face in tangled curls
I really need a trim
The upbeat tempo of the guitar sparks my imagination
I feel a little smile playing on my lips

And I think that it is about time
For this summer to come

My books are safely tucked underneath my desk
My pencils, once sharp and ready, are hidden in the drawer
My reading glasses lay on my nightstand
And I am through

I feel the relief in the thought
That the night is young and sleep is deep
I feel comfort in the thought that the weekend is near
Excitement and rest


It's true it's been cloudy
But Oregon June is always like that
And I know that summer is here

I anticipate nights
starry nights
fresh strawberry nights
camp fire nights
ocean nights
LOST nights
late night swim nights
sleeping bag nights
giggling high schooler nights
journaling nights
All of them spent in the dusky orange and pink sky.
All of them enjoyed in the warm, cooling, fragrant evening.
There is nothing like a summer in Oregon.

My Friend with the Pruning Shears

There's this analogy Christ has of a grape vine. He talks about how the branches with lots of leaves have to be pruned off so that the plant will stop putting energy into making leaves and start making fruit. Then this Jesus man talked about how that's like our lives and how we must let God come in and "prune" our lives by cutting off things that take our energy from making real fruit. Now, this fruit that He talks about actually means we are looking more like Jesus.
This past week and a half has been a pruning week, a week where I finally let God, the big gardener of my heart, come in and cut off some of the excess stuff. The branches He cut off were ones I had been wanting to get rid of for a long time anyways, but I had gotten so used to having them, I think I was a little nervous. We are creatures of habit, and comfort, at least I am. I had gotten into habits of comfort with these branches, and have the pruning shears go at them was a little difficult at first. It was quick. One swift move and a few staples that had become part of Christen's life fell to the ground.
I really sensed God say that He has a calling on my life and that these "branches" were getting in the way of me following the call. Then, I got this picture of an athlete with some extra poundage who was having a hard time running; this athlete's run was more like a waddle. And I remembered that verse where the apostle Paul talks about training to run the race we are called to run. I admit, Jesus, I have been avoiding the training, avoiding the pruning, whatever analogy you prefer.
So, sometimes I miss these old habits. They were sort of like old friends. But, then I remember that there is something better in store. Because who wants to eat a bunch of leaves anyways? What you really want is fruit on those branches.